Saturday, March 9, 20133:19 PM
■ It's not funny
When someone plays a joke or prank or simply teasing me, I let it go. It's all for the fun of it, just an entertainment for them after all that stress university is giving us. As long as it makes them a little happier amidst the tension. But when I let it go, they think I'm ok with all that, they continues. A little is ok, but when you do it too much.......please know where is the limit. When I say nothing at all, it's doesn't mean I am ok with it. Put yourself in others' shoe.
I never have a good temper to begin with, and have no intention to change this bad temper of mine because if I do, people are just gonna step over my head thinking that it's alright. Fuck no, do you think it's ok if I do that to you?
Since when I was very young, I already knew I was slow, dim-witted, stupid. I always wondered why and never found an answer to it after 21 years. Was it because of that fever I once had when I was a baby? Or was I already born with it. Idk either.
For 21 years of my life, I kept trying so hard to catch up with people's foot pace, understand what they are trying to say, understand what they are trying to mean. When I used to be very unobservant, I tried to open my eyes bigger and observe things around me. But sometimes... it's really beyond my means. "Celia is Celia" yes, of course. I am me. I am not you. I am slow & stupid, you do not need to reemphasize and reenforce that point. I know, I always knew, since I was young.
For 21 years of my life, I don't like to be left abandoned. It makes me feel like an unwanted child especially when no one wants to be my friend when I was young. "I don't want to be your friend" yes, sure. I will stop bothering you. I had 'friend' who framed me for something I did not do, got into trouble with the teacher when it wasn't my fault, even my parents didn't believe me. Idk what did I even do to deserve these distrust. I even had friends who tried to avoid me when I tried to join them for recess. Ironically, she became my best friend today- probably when we were young we all had immature thoughts, but it doesn't help if I had scars since when I was young. I let it go since it was the past and we're ok now- the bestest friends. So what I am trying to say is, I don't like it when I am walking infront and you leave me alone for another route without telling me- deliberately or unintentionally. It is really NOT funny. I WILL feel scared although I am already 21, and even though I am with another friend who is also a victim. I also don't like to shop separately- she shop hers and I shop mine when we are in the same store. I'd rather do it together, but this I am slowly trying to let it go since I am already 21, I should gain some independence. But I am NEVER ok with you abandoning me for another path, not especially when you give that fuck face when you saw us so lost.
Deliberately abandoning us twice in a week, and probably an unintentional one in that same week. Although it was a different group of people, it was really my last straw. I was pissed.
I don't say all the problems I had since I was a child to everyone because it just makes me feel like some emo idiot. I don't go, "I've problem socialising since I was young, so I am very sensitive to every single thing" each time I meet a new friend. Because you are old enough to think how to treat someone. I am not saying that you can't tease me, once twice ok, but you do it so many times...........what is the message are you trying to tell me? It makes it seem that you mean what you say and it's not all a joke.
Thanks for reopening my scars people. Thank you.
& it's not funny.
I never have a good temper to begin with, and have no intention to change this bad temper of mine because if I do, people are just gonna step over my head thinking that it's alright. Fuck no, do you think it's ok if I do that to you?
Since when I was very young, I already knew I was slow, dim-witted, stupid. I always wondered why and never found an answer to it after 21 years. Was it because of that fever I once had when I was a baby? Or was I already born with it. Idk either.
For 21 years of my life, I kept trying so hard to catch up with people's foot pace, understand what they are trying to say, understand what they are trying to mean. When I used to be very unobservant, I tried to open my eyes bigger and observe things around me. But sometimes... it's really beyond my means. "Celia is Celia" yes, of course. I am me. I am not you. I am slow & stupid, you do not need to reemphasize and reenforce that point. I know, I always knew, since I was young.
For 21 years of my life, I don't like to be left abandoned. It makes me feel like an unwanted child especially when no one wants to be my friend when I was young. "I don't want to be your friend" yes, sure. I will stop bothering you. I had 'friend' who framed me for something I did not do, got into trouble with the teacher when it wasn't my fault, even my parents didn't believe me. Idk what did I even do to deserve these distrust. I even had friends who tried to avoid me when I tried to join them for recess. Ironically, she became my best friend today- probably when we were young we all had immature thoughts, but it doesn't help if I had scars since when I was young. I let it go since it was the past and we're ok now- the bestest friends. So what I am trying to say is, I don't like it when I am walking infront and you leave me alone for another route without telling me- deliberately or unintentionally. It is really NOT funny. I WILL feel scared although I am already 21, and even though I am with another friend who is also a victim. I also don't like to shop separately- she shop hers and I shop mine when we are in the same store. I'd rather do it together, but this I am slowly trying to let it go since I am already 21, I should gain some independence. But I am NEVER ok with you abandoning me for another path, not especially when you give that fuck face when you saw us so lost.
Deliberately abandoning us twice in a week, and probably an unintentional one in that same week. Although it was a different group of people, it was really my last straw. I was pissed.
I don't say all the problems I had since I was a child to everyone because it just makes me feel like some emo idiot. I don't go, "I've problem socialising since I was young, so I am very sensitive to every single thing" each time I meet a new friend. Because you are old enough to think how to treat someone. I am not saying that you can't tease me, once twice ok, but you do it so many times...........what is the message are you trying to tell me? It makes it seem that you mean what you say and it's not all a joke.
Thanks for reopening my scars people. Thank you.
& it's not funny.
